I took off Friday from work to drive down with my brother, his navy friend, my fat fuck friend james, and my big nosed jew friend Rosenberg.....
We hit the I-95 Around noon time and spend the first 2.5 hours of the trip trying to call into Mike and The Maddog just to curse on the air...we get through numerous times but i think the call screener knew that we were up to no good and he had cut us off 4 or 5 times...Finally we get through and i call in as ANTHONY FROM BAY RIDGE...i bull shit about a-rod and manny and ortiz and jeter and then throw in some F-BOMBS at the last second...
Basically 2.5 hours just to curse out mike and the maddog....it made the ride go by that much quicker...
After we stop at roy rogers for some grub (no philly cheese steaks) we realize we are close to baltimore then we think when we notice the rest area is swarming with Yankee t-shirts...
Cuntecticut Jesse calls me at around 3:45 pm DRUNK OUT OF HIS FUCKING SKULL already, at some bar and told us to move our fucking asses so thats what we did...we arrive to baltimore around 4:15pm...check our shit in...meet up with Jesse and his friend whose name slips my mind right now (thought within the first 3 minutes of knowing him, he told me he got free airline tickets from conn for nailing some fat chick), and head straight off to the bar...
I forget the name of the bar but its some family joint with MEAN double shots...i mean these shots were no fucking joke...i got a pint of blue moon and did 2 shots of that Jaiger Mocha shit and 2 shots of blackhaus...which in reality is 8 shots..tie that in with my pint and i had a nice buzz starting...
AFter that bar, the 7 of us hit up the bars across the street from Camden Yards and start to meet up with other *"CREATURES"*... i forget who exactly because at this rate im a good 6 beers in and feeling those double shots even more.....
We just keep boozing,...taking pictures with random maryland whore trash...cursing people ...i mean its getting ugly....at about 7:20 we decide to head in....at about 7:45 i was on my way out (could be wrong with the times but thats what it felt like...
My friend James (fatdrunk516) got us some nice seats in the first row of the upper deck...great view but bad spot to be in when your fucking hammered with 75 all star ballots in your possession...
We were loud and roudy from the time we got in...i think Jesse even dropped a few C-BOMBS here and there...anyway after being warned numerous times to keep it down, i took all the all star ballots and chucked them over the rail...it looked like it was snowing all star ballots on the box seats below...about 8 seconds later i get tossed (not the last of the night either)...
Being tossed out of Camden Yards was a friendly experience...the cops are cool and dont hate NY'ers as much as you think...You also get a great view of Maryland on your way down the concourse.... Anyway i get tossed, go back to the bar...grab another beer and PASS THE FUCK OUT on a bench outside....
I think i was sleeping for a good 2 innings until some chick woke me up...i got all freaked out and started walking back in the direction of the stadium when i bump into navy tommy, his bird, his sister, and his sisters greek boyfriend...
I tested his greekness by cursing him out in greek and he responded well....While all this was going on a scalper offered me a ticket for $15...i told him id only pay $5 and the negotiating took probably 4 seconds....
So i'm back in camden yards for the 2nd time in one night...First i decide to meet Ghandi and his lady..they had choice seats but unfortunately the only free seat around them was next to a marcy darcy butch lesbian...i took it and within 4 seconds had the dike tell me "you're sitting in my partners seat...shes on her way down with our son and daughter"..
Keep in mind i am in a world of shit right now...i mean im fucking blitzed and dont know what the hells going on... i am trying to grasp the fact that a LESBIAN is kicking me out of her PARTNERS seat because shes coming over with her kids...
Anyway i make way and as im walking out i get shoved by some fucking 50 year old Dave Matthews fan...I WASNT HAVING ANY OF IT! FUCK THAT C*UNT! AVE IT YOU BITCH!
I pushed back and warned him not to "fuuuucking" touch me again...on my way out i tell the dike that her partner is waiting for her.....
So i leave...Ghandis seats were great but whatever....I decide to head BACK TO THE SEATS I GOT THROWN OUT OF IN THE FIRST PLACE! I knew id have to be sly when getting back cause the cops would def remember me, but SLY doesnt work so great when your as drunk as i was... Long Story short after trying to tip-toe my way back to our seats, i feel a hand on my shoulder as im a good 4 rows away, and the guy says "YOU AGAIN!! LETS GO PAL!!"
SO BOOM, i get kicked out of Camden Yards for the 2nd time in about 2 hours...
Now here is where the night STARTS!!
I meet up with my brother and all them and we find the rest of the firm at PICKLES PUB! Me,Jesse, Kwik, Dever, His lady, Midget Mike,GOONER KEITH, kwik, saudia, kwik, piece of shit dan, kwik ghandi, his bird, kwik.....anyway you get the picture....
We just keep tossing back pitchers, i think a few shots,....i mean it was getting disgusting....so we're all hammered, its not even that late...it starts FUCKING POURING RAIN..and were all stuck in the bar...after a while it got a little old and somebody decided it was time to go and check out the Baltimore Stip Club circut.....
We get in a cab in the MONSOON..its me my brother his boy, rosenjew, james, ghandi, and his gf....We got to one place...leave 2 minutes later...go to another place...leave 2 minutes later..then I got into a 3rd place called LUST and i thought that everyone followed me in...apparently i was wrong...
Remember in Animal House when they walk into the all black bar...well thats what this was...me...in an all black strip club...no white people ANYWHERE...and they loved me.,...
I got a lapdance from Destiny and she had maybee the fattest ass i had ever seen..its funny usually i ask strippers what their real names are and then make up lies about myself but that night i just wasnt giving a shit....
It was a great time and the only thing missing was p.o.s. dan because im sure he would have made it better and blacker....
By the time i get out its not raining anymore and i decide to walk back to the hotel...keep in mind my phone is dead and i have no room key so i have no idea as to whether or not im actually going to make it back in....On the way to the hotel i get solicited by a prostitute and ask her how much...$100 for head, $125 for pussy......Not bad if u ask me...i actually gave hger my room # because i wanted Rosenberg to answer the door at 4am when a hooker was standing outside, but she never came.....
After 40 minutes of knocking i finally get into the room and collapse on the floor only to wake up at 7am to my friend James telling me HE SHIT HIS PANTS..he ended up puking and shitting at the same time...you know how that gets..so he took his pants covered in shit, put them in a plastic bag, threw them in the elevator and pressed the down button...OH GOD...
SO NOW ONTO DAY 2...
We wake up and decide to meet jesse and his fat travel agent fucker friend...we end up meeting midget mike...p.o.s. dan...dans friend rich...SHANE...saudia..etc for Lunch at some place on the water.
Lunch was good but it smelled like shit the whole time we were there.....
SO anyway after lunch EVERYBODY meets up at some bar with a sidewalk cafe vibe and we totally take over 3 tables...
Midget Mike,Dever,Gooner,Kwik,LumpySam,Shane,Jesse etc etc...
All afternoon we get hammered and yell at people walking buy...Lumpy Sam was in rare form...the guy was calling every asian person UNCLE and kept yelling Dr Jones! It was funny ass shit.
We kept drinking, beers, shots, yelling at people, harrasing boston fans (so many fucking met/red sox fans...) and just having a laugh...
Lot of great pics from those 2 hours of drinking that shane has....
Anyway that game was a good one...i was somewhat sober for it and got to enjoy it all...Nice 4pm game...ended in extra innings as the sun set...Good times...
On a funny note...26 times 2000 on the board actually introduced himself to me at the game...he recognized me from bleeding pinstripes and originally thought i was Domi...i had a laugh...We got along as Yankee fans but disagreed on Football as he is a Redskins fan...
So the night went on and we end up at hooters....Food was eh...but it was worth staying as about 2 hours in JARED WRIGHT ends up walking right past me to go to the bathroom.....got a pic with him...then the bullpen catcher.... then told them to fuck bosotn up in the coming week and they had a good laugh...
We end up going to somebars ride outside baltimore for drinks and EVERYBODY AND THEIR FUCKING MOTHER GOT DRUNK! We booed the DJ for shutting the place down at 2am and hit him with some classic FUCK THE DJ CHANTS! I think midget mike called every girl he saw a slag. We had some sick sing alongs to the Cure and Neal Diamond...
Then outside we were just being loud and rowdy until the cops came and tried to arrest the ludacris look alike....
All in all thats Baltimore...i know im forgetting shit but im to fucking tired to type it all...FUCK YOU
We hit the I-95 Around noon time and spend the first 2.5 hours of the trip trying to call into Mike and The Maddog just to curse on the air...we get through numerous times but i think the call screener knew that we were up to no good and he had cut us off 4 or 5 times...Finally we get through and i call in as ANTHONY FROM BAY RIDGE...i bull shit about a-rod and manny and ortiz and jeter and then throw in some F-BOMBS at the last second...
Basically 2.5 hours just to curse out mike and the maddog....it made the ride go by that much quicker...
After we stop at roy rogers for some grub (no philly cheese steaks) we realize we are close to baltimore then we think when we notice the rest area is swarming with Yankee t-shirts...
Cuntecticut Jesse calls me at around 3:45 pm DRUNK OUT OF HIS FUCKING SKULL already, at some bar and told us to move our fucking asses so thats what we did...we arrive to baltimore around 4:15pm...check our shit in...meet up with Jesse and his friend whose name slips my mind right now (thought within the first 3 minutes of knowing him, he told me he got free airline tickets from conn for nailing some fat chick), and head straight off to the bar...
I forget the name of the bar but its some family joint with MEAN double shots...i mean these shots were no fucking joke...i got a pint of blue moon and did 2 shots of that Jaiger Mocha shit and 2 shots of blackhaus...which in reality is 8 shots..tie that in with my pint and i had a nice buzz starting...
AFter that bar, the 7 of us hit up the bars across the street from Camden Yards and start to meet up with other *"CREATURES"*... i forget who exactly because at this rate im a good 6 beers in and feeling those double shots even more.....
We just keep boozing,...taking pictures with random maryland whore trash...cursing people ...i mean its getting ugly....at about 7:20 we decide to head in....at about 7:45 i was on my way out (could be wrong with the times but thats what it felt like...
My friend James (fatdrunk516) got us some nice seats in the first row of the upper deck...great view but bad spot to be in when your fucking hammered with 75 all star ballots in your possession...
We were loud and roudy from the time we got in...i think Jesse even dropped a few C-BOMBS here and there...anyway after being warned numerous times to keep it down, i took all the all star ballots and chucked them over the rail...it looked like it was snowing all star ballots on the box seats below...about 8 seconds later i get tossed (not the last of the night either)...
Being tossed out of Camden Yards was a friendly experience...the cops are cool and dont hate NY'ers as much as you think...You also get a great view of Maryland on your way down the concourse.... Anyway i get tossed, go back to the bar...grab another beer and PASS THE FUCK OUT on a bench outside....
I think i was sleeping for a good 2 innings until some chick woke me up...i got all freaked out and started walking back in the direction of the stadium when i bump into navy tommy, his bird, his sister, and his sisters greek boyfriend...
I tested his greekness by cursing him out in greek and he responded well....While all this was going on a scalper offered me a ticket for $15...i told him id only pay $5 and the negotiating took probably 4 seconds....
So i'm back in camden yards for the 2nd time in one night...First i decide to meet Ghandi and his lady..they had choice seats but unfortunately the only free seat around them was next to a marcy darcy butch lesbian...i took it and within 4 seconds had the dike tell me "you're sitting in my partners seat...shes on her way down with our son and daughter"..
Keep in mind i am in a world of shit right now...i mean im fucking blitzed and dont know what the hells going on... i am trying to grasp the fact that a LESBIAN is kicking me out of her PARTNERS seat because shes coming over with her kids...
Anyway i make way and as im walking out i get shoved by some fucking 50 year old Dave Matthews fan...I WASNT HAVING ANY OF IT! FUCK THAT C*UNT! AVE IT YOU BITCH!
I pushed back and warned him not to "fuuuucking" touch me again...on my way out i tell the dike that her partner is waiting for her.....
So i leave...Ghandis seats were great but whatever....I decide to head BACK TO THE SEATS I GOT THROWN OUT OF IN THE FIRST PLACE! I knew id have to be sly when getting back cause the cops would def remember me, but SLY doesnt work so great when your as drunk as i was... Long Story short after trying to tip-toe my way back to our seats, i feel a hand on my shoulder as im a good 4 rows away, and the guy says "YOU AGAIN!! LETS GO PAL!!"
SO BOOM, i get kicked out of Camden Yards for the 2nd time in about 2 hours...
Now here is where the night STARTS!!
I meet up with my brother and all them and we find the rest of the firm at PICKLES PUB! Me,Jesse, Kwik, Dever, His lady, Midget Mike,GOONER KEITH, kwik, saudia, kwik, piece of shit dan, kwik ghandi, his bird, kwik.....anyway you get the picture....
We just keep tossing back pitchers, i think a few shots,....i mean it was getting disgusting....so we're all hammered, its not even that late...it starts FUCKING POURING RAIN..and were all stuck in the bar...after a while it got a little old and somebody decided it was time to go and check out the Baltimore Stip Club circut.....
We get in a cab in the MONSOON..its me my brother his boy, rosenjew, james, ghandi, and his gf....We got to one place...leave 2 minutes later...go to another place...leave 2 minutes later..then I got into a 3rd place called LUST and i thought that everyone followed me in...apparently i was wrong...
Remember in Animal House when they walk into the all black bar...well thats what this was...me...in an all black strip club...no white people ANYWHERE...and they loved me.,...
I got a lapdance from Destiny and she had maybee the fattest ass i had ever seen..its funny usually i ask strippers what their real names are and then make up lies about myself but that night i just wasnt giving a shit....
It was a great time and the only thing missing was p.o.s. dan because im sure he would have made it better and blacker....
By the time i get out its not raining anymore and i decide to walk back to the hotel...keep in mind my phone is dead and i have no room key so i have no idea as to whether or not im actually going to make it back in....On the way to the hotel i get solicited by a prostitute and ask her how much...$100 for head, $125 for pussy......Not bad if u ask me...i actually gave hger my room # because i wanted Rosenberg to answer the door at 4am when a hooker was standing outside, but she never came.....
After 40 minutes of knocking i finally get into the room and collapse on the floor only to wake up at 7am to my friend James telling me HE SHIT HIS PANTS..he ended up puking and shitting at the same time...you know how that gets..so he took his pants covered in shit, put them in a plastic bag, threw them in the elevator and pressed the down button...OH GOD...
SO NOW ONTO DAY 2...
We wake up and decide to meet jesse and his fat travel agent fucker friend...we end up meeting midget mike...p.o.s. dan...dans friend rich...SHANE...saudia..etc for Lunch at some place on the water.
Lunch was good but it smelled like shit the whole time we were there.....
SO anyway after lunch EVERYBODY meets up at some bar with a sidewalk cafe vibe and we totally take over 3 tables...
Midget Mike,Dever,Gooner,Kwik,LumpySam,Shane,Jesse etc etc...
All afternoon we get hammered and yell at people walking buy...Lumpy Sam was in rare form...the guy was calling every asian person UNCLE and kept yelling Dr Jones! It was funny ass shit.
We kept drinking, beers, shots, yelling at people, harrasing boston fans (so many fucking met/red sox fans...) and just having a laugh...
Lot of great pics from those 2 hours of drinking that shane has....
Anyway that game was a good one...i was somewhat sober for it and got to enjoy it all...Nice 4pm game...ended in extra innings as the sun set...Good times...
On a funny note...26 times 2000 on the board actually introduced himself to me at the game...he recognized me from bleeding pinstripes and originally thought i was Domi...i had a laugh...We got along as Yankee fans but disagreed on Football as he is a Redskins fan...
So the night went on and we end up at hooters....Food was eh...but it was worth staying as about 2 hours in JARED WRIGHT ends up walking right past me to go to the bathroom.....got a pic with him...then the bullpen catcher.... then told them to fuck bosotn up in the coming week and they had a good laugh...
We end up going to somebars ride outside baltimore for drinks and EVERYBODY AND THEIR FUCKING MOTHER GOT DRUNK! We booed the DJ for shutting the place down at 2am and hit him with some classic FUCK THE DJ CHANTS! I think midget mike called every girl he saw a slag. We had some sick sing alongs to the Cure and Neal Diamond...
Then outside we were just being loud and rowdy until the cops came and tried to arrest the ludacris look alike....
All in all thats Baltimore...i know im forgetting shit but im to fucking tired to type it all...FUCK YOU
